Jim's Overthinking

Jim was an inveterate overthinker, a well-practiced fretter, and a consummate detail planner. He did not allow any potential problem to go unnoticed and would sacrifice today's joy for the mere possibility of a trouble-free day tomorrow. His wife, Cindy, had learned to live with his "special gift."  But when he canceled a trip of a lifetime because he had to take care of a potential problem with the house, she decided it was time to sit down and talk.

 

They had been planning this cruise for months. It was supposed to be the trip of a lifetime, and Cindy was all but packed and ready. That was when the inspection report on the house came back. "Termites!"  They were in a small corner section of the garage. Jim was worried, as usual. He immediately began seeing the walls filled with the little "demons" as they ate away at his "castle."  He saw his life savings draining away.   The costs of rebuilding and putting off retirement for a few years were too much for him. This worry had accumulated over the 24 hours since they got the report. Cindy knew what was coming.

 

Jim started, "I don't know that this is the best time to take that cruise. Termites can eat up our whole house; before you know it, we will have nowhere to live. We need to stay in town and take care of our home."

 

Cindy had heard all this before.   And she was ready for it!

 

Cindy replied, "Are you saying we need to personally stay in town and start treating the house for termites ourselves? I am not sure I know how to do that. Do you?"

 

Jim looked at her, "Well, no, not us personally, but…."

 

Cindy interrupted, "Then we can get someone else to treat the termites. Doesn't that take a week or two, and when done, don't they give us a certificate insuring us against further damage?"

 

Jim jumped in, "Yes, but…."

 

Cindy interrupted again, saying, "The report says the damage is minor, and we can't fix anything until the treatment is done. We will be back in time to start getting estimates and overseeing the repairs. Why should we postpone our trip?"

 

Jim didn't jump quite so fast this time. He sat there looking at Cindy and the report in his hand.

 

Cindy pressed on, "I'll call the inspector and schedule a time for his crew to start the work. He said they could be here tomorrow. Meanwhile, you start taking care of stopping the mail and all the other stuff. I am so excited about the trip. Aren't you?"  Jim's only response? "Yes, dear. Of course, I am."  

 

Cindy could see that her loving husband was making a catastrophe out of something that was, at that point, a relatively simple problem. His fears grew from a lifetime of dealing with problems by stepping in and "taking care of business."  He was a problem solver and believed it was better to "nip" a problem in the bud before it grew into a tree. Unfortunately, he let his pride in being a problem-solver overrun his common sense. He was a conscientious guy, but he hated being wrong. And he would not allow a small problem to get the best of him.

 

Cindy understood that Jim needed a little humility to let go and lighten up about those termites. Humility means taking an accurate assessment of our life. Jim needed to remember that he would not solve this problem personally. He had to trust the experts. He had to learn that not every story is a tragedy waiting to happen.

 

The word "catastrophe" comes from the literary structure of the Greek and Roman tragedies. It refers to the plot getting turned over when the fatal flaw in the main character finally destroys their life. Catastrophe means "to overturn."  It is the natural and expected conclusion of any tragic story. Cindy understood this. And for Jim, every story was a tragedy waiting to happen.  

 

When we hear ourselves starting to become "an inveterate overthinker, a well-practiced fretter, and consummate detail planner," we need to stop and remind ourselves that not every story is a tragedy. Let go and lighten up! Don't take yourself so seriously! Acquire a little humility. Do what you can and let others handle the problem if they are better equipped.   Allow yourself more joy. Unfortunately, most never see this "catastrophic thinking "coming. Hopefully, we will have folks around us who care enough about us to help us see it for ourselves. We all need a "Cindy" to help solve this "Jim" problem.

 

Let Go! Lighten Up! And enjoy!