Asking the Right Question!

A very weary Jaime said to the woman in front of him, “Can you believe this line? We have been standing in line for hours, and it has hardly moved!”  The woman, Rose, replied, “I didn’t think this band was that popular.”

 

They both watched as the line crept forward. When they started hearing people cursing and complaining in front of them, they noticed that a “Sold Out” sign was posted on the ticket booth window. Jaime was about to join the profane chorus when Rose turned and said, “I really wanted to hear them, but I guess I have my evening free. How about a cup of coffee?”  Jaime was caught off guard by the question and set aside his tirade to nod, “Ok!”

 

After getting their coffee, they sat at a corner table, and Jaime could not hold it in any longer.  “*&% #%@%, *&^ 87 @ $%#^!”  Rose looked at him with gentle eyes while he got it out of his system. When he ran out of anything to say, he slumped back and mumbled, “Why should I expect anything else. These days, all my luck is bad.”  Rose understood his frustration and a great deal more than he suspected.

 

Rose responded, “I am disappointed too, but if I had not gotten in that line this morning, I would have never met you!”  Jaime replied mockingly, “Yea, I suppose. Like it is some big convergence of the universe.” Rose answered, “No, really! You are an interesting guy, and I would like to get to know you. I would not have spent the last three hours talking to you if I had slept in. I am glad I made the choice I did.” Jaime could tell Rose was serious, but he had trouble believing it.

 

Over the next few months, Jaime and Rose saw quite a lot of each other. Jaime had spent most of his life hiding from unknown situations. He preferred to bluff his way through, pretending he was in control. And he would explode when it met something that he did not expect or could not control. But Rose reacted differently. She never really exploded. When she ran into things beyond her understanding or control, she would get quiet and start looking for the lesson to be learned. At first, Jaime figured this was her unique superpower, but he soon discovered that even he could do it.

 

Honestly, Jaime felt like a failure until he met Rose. She helped him see that his “failures” were lessons in self-knowledge. As he got to know himself, he developed a genuine humility. She would help him see the life lessons that he had missed. Her growing love for him, putting his needs ahead of hers, helped him begin to love himself. The unknowns did not devastate him. He faced them with whatever tools he had at hand. And, because of Rose and her love for him, he knew he had many more life tools than he realized. The most valuable was to ask when he met a profound disappointment, “What have I learned?” instead of “What have I lost?”

Brad's Stage Fright

The line for auditions stretched down the block. Brad had been standing, holding his violin case to his chest for hours. Staring at the long string of people in front of him, he remembered how much had changed since he met Sam in a similar line a couple of years ago. It was pure luck or fate that put him next to Sam. It has made all the difference personally and professionally. He remembered their first encounter so clearly.

Sam spoke up first, “Hi, I’m Sam!”  Brad tried to ignore him. Brad’s anxiety over the audition was too high to leave much room for a conversation with a stranger. But then, his audition anxiety was always high. Sam could see Brad’s turmoil and said, “Boy, I hate auditions.”  Sam nodded in agreement. Brad responded, “Yea, I would much rather be sitting in the park and listening to the birds!”  Sam was a bit surprised. Their apartment was so small that Brad loved the wide-open space. Brad looked at Sam and said, “Yea, me too.”  Their relationship began with that simple conversation. It soon blossomed into a deep and loving partnership. He had met the love of his life.

 

Brad fell in love with more than just Sam. Sam’s Mom and Dad were amazing. They supported him, no matter what. His brother and sister were always there for him. Uncles and aunts and cousins got together every holiday. Sam had a great family, and he loved being part of it. 

 

On the other hand, Brad barely had much of a relationship with his family. His brother was too busy living his life thousands of miles away. He always felt like a disappointment to his Mom and Dad. Sam and the in-laws made a whole new family for Brad.

 

As the line inched forward, Brad remembered how his anxiety and panic would increase with each little bit of movement in the queue. When he got to the front, he would be frozen with fear and anxiety. He was a maestro in the practice room but always fell apart in the audition or on the stage by himself. Sam had helped him change all of that. It started with a question Sam asked him after he had failed at an audition with a piece he had nailed in the apartment.

 

“What happened?” Sam asked when Brad returned with the bad news. “I don’t know. My fingers would not move. It was like they did not know where they were on the strings. I could hear my Mom, who kept telling me to relax or I would blow the audition. And, as always, she was right!”  He continued, “She is not like your Mom; she always talked about how much potential I had and how it would be a shame to waste it. Just relax! RELAX!”

 

Sam stared at him for a minute. And then he asked, “Was your Mom sitting with the manager and director in your audition?”  Brad shook his head a bit and said, “That’s silly. Of course not.”  And then he paused, and Brad’s gaze turned inward. “I suppose she was, in a way.”  Sam said, “Then quit taking her with you. And when you come out, you don’t have to tell her about it, either.” 

 

Once again, the line crept forward, and Brad imagined how this audition would turn out. He had not “taken” his Mom with him for the last dozen or so auditions. Brad also learned to only tell her about the auditions where he got the gig. But he told Sam about all of them. And in doing so, he learned a lot about himself and what it meant to be part of a supportive, healthy family.  

 

When he reached the audition room door, he took a deep breath, remembered Sam’s words of encouragement, and smiled. He would do his best and hoped he would get the job. But he also knew it would not be the end of the world if he didn’t. There would be other auditions.

 

The supportive family allowed him to practice his patience. They knew how talented he was. He just needed to see it for himself. His growing patience with himself gave him the time to let his talent shine through in his auditions. As he relaxed, his performance improved, and he started getting gigs. With each successful audition, Brad felt hope growing in his heart. It all began with a supportive, loving family.

The Time Traveler

Janie was a Time Traveler, constantly moving between the past, present, and future. She relived past traumas and experiences. She did not visit but took up residence and lived there for a while. After a while, Janie would pack up, move into the future, and live out her worst fears. Then, from time to time, she would pop back into the present.

Her constant time travel made friendships very hard, especially close friendships. She wore people out until she met Larry.  

 

Larry gave her a reason to spend more time in the present. He did not mind making quick visits with her, but he always remained grounded in the present. He offered her a rope that helped her return after brief holidays in the past or future.

 

During one recent trip, Janie found herself stuck in a recurring memory. Larry saw how Janie was lost in thought and asked, with a smile, "Earth to Janie! Earth to Janie!" She looked at him blankly, shook her head, and said, "Sorry! I went on one of my trips." Larry replied, "I thought so. Where to this time?"

 

Janie shrugged and said, "I was back in high school. The prom was coming up, and no one, NO ONE, had asked me out." Larry observed, "Feeling left out again?"

 

Janie stopped for a minute and looked at him with a bit of a head tilt. "What do you mean?"

 

Larry explained, "I've noticed you travel back there when you have had a bad day. It is usually after a run-in with one of the neighbors or something."

 

A light went on in her eyes, and Janie responded, "I did have a chat with Mary at the market. She was being a real bi*ch about my not attending the club yesterday. I told her I was sick, but she didn't believe me."

 

Larry quietly listened while Janie processed her thoughts and feelings for a bit. She eventually got around to talking about the prom. Her date waited until the last minute to ask her. After a moment, he said, "Aren't you glad you were patient with him?" She thought a bit more and talked about how they dated for quite a while, but she finally broke up when he demanded more patience than she could muster.    And then it dawned on her. "They are not going to kick me out for missing one meeting, are they?" Larry replied, "Probably not!" Janie smiled and looked him straight in the eye, saying, "You think you're clever, don't you?" Then he said with a grin, "Nope, I know I am!"

 

Larry had a gift for helping Janie unwrap the gifts that her time travel offered. He reminded her to not get lost in the feelings from the past. Instead, Larry encouraged her to learn from them. He knew that with a bit of reflection, she would wander back into the present with a nugget of wisdom that she carried in each memory. Larry would help her see beyond her fears of the future. He waited with her while the possibility of the moment appeared and then allowed her to walk up on it and claim it as a bit of hope. 

 

She still made her trips through time, but with Larry's patient listening each time, she claimed the gifts each trip offered. She learned to respect the past and future but not pitch her tent in them for long. She let the past offer its gift of experience. And then gave it enough patient, thoughtful attention to make it helpful. She then let the future offer the gift of possibility. But respected it enough to give it time to grow into hope.

 

Larry provided a present where possibilities could become a reality, a gift of hope. He respected the gifts of eternity, past-present-future. And through him, Janie could accept the deep and abundant hope that thrives in our eternity.

A Dark Trail

Joann and Alex were pretty sure they would get back before dark. They were experienced hikers. They seldom felt hurried because they believed the trail should be enjoyed to the very end.   But then, it does not pay to get too sure of yourself.   This trail was only five miles long, and they had a good map downloaded to the app on their phones. It was just after 2:00 PM, so off they went, eager to explore this new area of the new park.

But the hike lasted a lot longer than planned. The trail had several washouts from the recent rains that required a detour from the map. The trail guide underestimated the elevation gain, which made the stops a little more frequent than they had planned. Lastly, they miscalculated the change in sunset between the western and eastern sides of the time zone. It gets dark earlier in the east. And the sun was well on its way to the horizon as they passed the two-mile marker. They knew it would be very dark very soon. But even though this was a new trail for them, they did not panic.

The unknown, the mystery, evokes uncertainty in our lives. Our usual toolkit of answers and behaviors may be useless. The unknowns can leave us struggling to understand and fighting to adapt to the gathering darkness. This is challenging for everyone. However, it can be devastating for those who do not understand or acknowledge their fears. Their fear taps them on the shoulder, and they are swept away on a rising tide of anxiety.

But Alex and Joann were experienced hikers. Honestly, they enjoyed a bit of mystery along the path. They had been on enough hikes to know that fear created a healthy respect for the trail. They also knew it would be foolish to never take a hike because they were afraid. But it would be even more ludicrous and dangerous to ignore their fears and do the hike anyway, pretending there was nothing to worry about. As experienced hikers, they listened to their fears and allowed them to help them prepare for challenging trails. Joann and Alex embraced their fears as helpful companions in preparing for their hikes.

Alex observed, “This trail is taking longer than we thought. Looks like we will be getting back after dark.” Joann replied, “I think you’re right. Good thing we packed the headlamps. I am not sure we could see the trail markers without them.”  Alex joked (sort of), “Not to mention all the creepy crawlies that come out after sunset!”  Joann replied, “Thanks. I needed to be reminded about them right now!”  They both chuckled.

As they suspected, the sun slipped below the horizon and grew pitch black. Moonrise would not be for a couple of hours. The starlight helped, but the headlamps and hiking app kept them on track. The strange sounds seemed so much louder in the dark. They could hear critters scurrying away from their headlamps. Alex remarked, “These stars are glorious tonight. By the way, you packed extra batteries, didn’t you?”  With a little smile, Joann replied, “I did for my headlamp!”

They came to a slight rise and could see the streetlight at the trailhead parking lot. While they had prepared as best, it was never easy hiking in the dark, and their anxiety had given them an adrenalin boost for the last mile or two. They could breathe a bit easier.  

The batteries lasted. They had plenty of water. But most of all, they rediscovered that they could handle a fearful situation. They did not need bravado to cover up their insecurities. They had each other and plenty of time on trails to help them know how to deal with their fears. Joann said as they unlocked the car, “Boy, do we have a story to tell when we get to the pub.”  Alex replied, “Yep, we do. And by the way, from now on, I will pack my own batteries; thank you very much!”  They both laughed as they set off for new adventures, complete with fears, mysteries, adrenalin, and new places to explore.