The Joy of Being Wrong!

Burley was one of my heroes! I had never met anyone who enjoyed being wrong more than Burley! He found joy in his ignorance by allowing the universe to surprise him! He lived in a world of facts and figures that explained many things, at least tentatively, but much more remained a mystery. But, as he always said, “There is a lot more to life than what I think I know. I love it when the universe kicks me in the backside and shows me that I am wrong. I learn more from those moments than I do from being right!”

 

Burley and I had long talks about science and faith. But he had little patience with blind believers who just assumed that what they believed was true. His faith was of the “for now” variety. Everything he believed was “for now.”  He cradled truth with an open mind, much like he would cradle a nestling in his cupped hand. I can hear him say, “Hell, I am not smart enough to be that convinced about anything!”  He was passionately curious about life and respected it and himself, too much to become smug about what he believed. He was delighted when the universe straightened him out.

 

As I think about him, he was more than a hero. He was a superhero! And his superpowers were a deep joy in all things coupled with the amazing gift of humility. He had a deep, honest, and unrelenting humility about himself and his life. He did not expect, or demand more than life offered.   Burley was content with his strengths and weaknesses. The former he tried to develop, and the latter he learned to live with as best he could.

 

He ignored his preconceptions and resented anything that clouded his view of life. He viewed his biases and firmly held expectations as signs of mental myopia and wanted an unobstructed view of life to the horizon.   He would either find a different perspective or consider the distortions before he spent much time studying something. To him, assumptions and preconceptions were sneaky little devils that would keep him ignorant of much of the wonder and glory of life. He ripped them out by the roots when he found them hiding among the flowers in his thoughts.

 

Burley celebrated his life every day. Sometimes life exceeded his expectations, and he found joy. Sometimes it fell short of his hopes, and he adjusted his expectations. Burley took great joy in the growth that the adjusting produced. In all things, Burley knew joy because he knew himself, very, very well. That great humility allowed him the ultimate joy of more fully experiencing the great mystery that surrounded him. It made him a superhero as a human being. It also made him an excellent preacher. 

A Long Summer Afternoon

It was just another hot summer day as the boys set off on an adventure in the woods at the edge of town. Willie, Freddie, Little Joe, and Tommy had grown up together and spent many hours exploring those woods. For them, it was a place of mystery and wonder. But today, they were going deeper than they had ever gone before. They headed beyond the old cabin at the center of the woods.

 

As usual, Willie was the one who took charge even before they set out. He was not a born leader. To be honest, Willie was just bossy. He liked telling everybody what to do. They let him do his thing until he became irritating. Then a little wrestling and mutiny would bring him back in line.

 

Freddie was the peacemaker. He wanted everyone to get along and did not like the back-and-forth playful cruelty that the other boys enjoyed. Otherwise, he was a good guy.

 

Little Joe was anything but little. He was bigger than the rest and could pin the others in a wrestling match. But he was usually easygoing. But they knew not to make him mad. If they did, it would take all of them to calm him down and could involve sitting on him.

 

Then there was Tommy. He was the smart guy. He believed that he knew everything there was to know. And when things got complicated, we always turned to him to sort things out. Otherwise, he was just a know-it-all that got on their nerves.

 

Willie began the great adventure by saying, "Ok guys, let's go down by the creek and cut across the field." They all nodded, and the journey began. These were the last "normal" moments of the day.

 

It started when they reached the creek. It was not the usual few inches of water. Something happened upstream, and several feet of raging rapids filled the ordinarily calm stream. 

 

Little Joe spoke up. "There is an old tree upstream that crosses the creek. It is big enough to hold us." They liked the sound of doing a little tree walking. Off they went. After ten minutes, they found the old log and made their way across. Little Joe went first. They figured if it held him, then the rest of them would be ok.

 

Unfortunately, once across, they found themselves on unfamiliar ground. The great debate started. "Let's go downstream and get back to our trail.", suggested Freddie.

 

"That's a waste of time. Let's just head out. We'll find the field." assured Willie.

 

Tommy chimed in, suggesting they explore the creek and see if there is another trail? Nobody liked that idea.

 

Finally, Little Joe just started walking, making a new trail as best he could. And it was then that the arguing began.

 

"Do you know where you are going?" asked Willie. "No, but none of you do either. So, it doesn't matter, does it?" replied Little Joe. Freddie let things be and stepped in behind Little Joe. He worried that they would get lost but was not going to say anything. They wouldn't listen anyway. They all followed, not knowing what else to do.

 

After an hour of pushing back the brush and fighting off the bugs, it became clear that they were now completely lost. The bickering grew, and they grew impatient with one another. They were too busy blaming each other to sit down and sort through the problem. Each boy took control and led them in a different direction. They were going in circles and hadn't found the cabin or anything else that looked familiar. They were tired, hungry, and frustrated.

 

When they stumbled on a small clearing, they sat down, more from weariness than anything else. 

 

The great debate picked up in both tempo and volume. But the boys were not listening to one another. They were not listening to the voices inside their own heads. Their emotions were in charge, mainly fear and ego. Yelling pushed aside good ideas—all except for Freddie.

 

Freddie had been quiet since getting shouted down about finding a new trail. When he finally chimed in, a soft, calm voice said, "We will have to work together if we are going to get home tonight." The others stopped yelling to hear him, and the miracle happened. They started to listen to him, one another, and the voices in their head and heart.  

 

Tommy said he would climb a tree and see what he could see. They found one nearby and watched as Tommy went from branch to branch. Little Joe could never get up that tree, and the rest could not climb like Tommy. He was always a good climber.

 

After reaching the top, he shouted down that he could see the old water tower at the edge of town. Willie added, "The road to town runs by that water tower!" Freddie said, "We got plenty of time to get home before supper." Little Joe agreed to bust a new path if Tommy kept them on target by checking the Sun. Tommy agreed. They had listened to one another, and now they had a plan.  

 

Little Joe took off, crashing through the brush. Tommy kept him on course. Willie followed along behind, giving Little Joe instructions about clearing a trail. Meanwhile, Freddie followed behind, listening to the birds, and was satisfied that everything would be ok. They found the road that ran by the water tower and were soon on their way home after an unexpected adventure.  

 

Four friends had spent a long afternoon squabbling in the woods. They wandered around and ended up lost. But they discovered that they knew more together than they did separately. Each of the boys found that he had some pretty good ideas if he could just calm down and share them rather than shouting at each other. They all discovered that sharing made all the difference. They needed to have patience with themselves and one another if they were going to get out of the woods. They needed space for their body-mind-soul to sort things out within and among themselves. Fear and blaming, biases, and short tempers did not serve them well. They needed the patience to trust one another. It was only then that they could listen and hear the group's collective wisdom. It was only then that they could find their way home.

Benny Learns Life

Benny was a very angry young man. He grew up in a fractured and violent family. He hated himself and everyone around him. Grief and resentment were his daily companions. Anger consumed his present. His future was empty and aimless. He had tried suicide more than once, and there was no doubt that he would succeed if he did not deal with his anger. Fortunately, he met Sue.

 

Sue was Benny’s counselor at the residential treatment center where Benny went after the Juvenile Court had given up on him (just like everyone else in his life.). Sue was different. She respected him by listening to his rage and refused to allow his anger to chase her away. She was the first person he had ever met that cared about him. And that made all the difference.

 

Over their time together at the center, Sue sat and listened. During one session, Benny threatened her with a broken broom. Instead of calling for more meds, she heard his anger and was able to help him see himself in her eyes and words. It took time, but eventually, Benny grew to respect Sue. And her respect for him made all the difference. He began to think he was worth something.  

 

Benny eventually found his way through this quagmire, even after Sue had moved on to other patients. His eternity, past-present-future, began to fill with promise as his capacity to accept and give love began to seep into his daily life. The grief and resentment were no longer as important as they had been. The anger did not appear as often. His future was no longer empty. It echoed the possibility of love.

 

Benny learned some valuable lessons. He had learned to accept the people in the past, present, and future.  Benny started respecting them for who they were, are, and will be. He was able to put their needs ahead of his own. And that is the very definition of love. Until we see our ancestors as real people, we will treat them as fools who should have known better. If we see others through our stereotypes and ignore their individuality, we will be unable to respect their individuality. Until we accept our future as grounded in our present choices, we will endure the tragic cycles of yesterday. It all depends on respect. 

 

Benny learned all of this because someone saw him rather than his anger. Sue paid him the respect he deserved as a human being. It was really that simple.  

 

Our eternity can offer us love or despair. It all depends on how much respect we have for our ourselves, our ancestors, our contemporaries, and our descendants.

 

Mikey's Hand

Wisdom begins with a good question, while a bad assumption imprisons us in ignorance.

“Does anyone have any questions?” The class turned to look at Mikey, and he did not disappoint. His hand shot up, and we all shook our heads. Mikey always had a question! That was Mikey’s special gift; he always had a question. They were not “show off” questions. Nope, they were real questions that rose from a curious mind. He had a wide-eyed wonder and loved peering into the mysteries of life. Yep. Mikey’s hand was in the air, and we knew that recess would have to wait until we heard the teacher’s answer.

It is not that the rest of us were not curious about stuff. But we did not raise our hands as much as Mikey did. Our questions were not that important to us. Some preferred not showing our ignorance to our classmates by asking an honest question. Others cared more about recess than exploring the unknown. Many simply assumed they knew the answer and were comfortable with their quasi-knowing. Nope, questions complicated our lives. We liked things simple, straightforward, predictable, and comfortable. But Mikey liked the mystery.

I now realize that Mikey had an extraordinary gift beyond his questions. Mikey knew what he didn’t know, which is rare, especially for someone so young.   Most of us made many assumptions about stuff, and we were okay relying on those guesses. After all, nearly everyone else believed them also. They called it “common sense.”  But Mikey looked past his assumptions and saw a mystery lurking in the background. 

But his gift went even deeper. Before he could look past his assumptions, he had to question them. And this takes courage, real courage. When he saw that the real world did not meet his expectations, he went with reality and dared to question his perceptions. He knew and trusted himself enough to muster the courage to stand up against the crowd, common sense, and his assumptions. And when he did, his hand went into the air, and the rest of us shook our heads. All we could do was settle in for a long siege of new information that we did not even know we needed.

Mikey gave us a great gift, a real hope that there is a knowable world beyond our perceptions and assumptions. He offered us a living hope in the world around us that we were too blind or ignorant to explore. He gave each of us a hope that shines through the darkness if we were willing to unwrap it with real self-knowing. We did not have to rely on superstition or ill-conceived common sense. We could discover a universe grander than we could imagine by knowing what we don’t know and having the courage to look beyond our assumptions.

Thank you, Mikey! But next time could you ask your question at the start of class rather than at the end? We like recess, too!