Ancient wisdom teaches, "The hurrier I go, the 'be hinder' I get!" Well, maybe not ancient, but really old wisdom. Clark liked to be ready and did not like to be caught unprepared. Unfortunately, this meant that he would sometimes miscalculate the future and end up being surprised when his plans did not work out as he had planned. If that meant his timetable was interrupted, there was only one solution. He would speed up to make up for lost time. Such hurried behavior seldom turned out well, and Clark would not end up further behind and deeply frustrated with life. Hence, the ancient wisdom.
Clark struggled with this scenario his entire life until just before I met him. He had been diagnosed with terminal cancer the month before I met him. and was given 6 months to a year window before it took his life. Clark had learned a great deal in that month. This is the story of that month.
The First Week – After hearing the news, Clark was frantic to find another doctor, another treatment, anything that would push back the inevitable. He had a handful of straws and was plucking them one by one. But each one was shorter than the last. Every doctor said the same thing. Every website that promised recovery turned out to be selling "snake oil." As that week ended, he discovered that he had not changed the end date. Instead, he had lost 7 precious days.
The Second Week - It was then that Clark got depressed. He realized he had wasted a week feeling sorry for himself by grasping at illusions. Clark began to feel the fragility of life. He wanted more than his prospects seemed to allow. Unfortunately, he had no idea how to do that.
The Third Week – Leaning into an old pattern, Clark figured he needed to hurry up and get more out of his dwindling days. Clark called his travel agent and made travel plans. He looked at Broadway shows and started figuring out how he could pay for a week in the Big Apple. Clark hurried to get everything on the plan before his tumors stole his energy. As the week ended, he had grand plans but little else to show for his efforts. He lost another week.
The Fourth Week – This week began with a visit from his 10-Year-Old Grand-daughter. She and her mom stopped by to see how he was doing. She was a candid child and asked him, point blank, "Grandpa, are you going to die?" With a bit of a catch in his voice, he said, "Yes, I am, and sooner than I want." She replied, "Well if you are going to be leaving us, why do you want to go away on long trips? Don't you want to spend time with us?"
A child's innocent honesty finally broke through a lifetime of needing to be in control of his life. He now understood that he needed to let go of his impatience. He wanted to enjoy life and spend time with the people he loved. He still had a good life, and it was meant to be enjoyed and celebrated, not hurried through and improved. She was exactly right. It was time to be patient with life. He was never in control, anyway. That was the grand illusion, and it took a terminal disease and a loving, honest child to help him see through it.
"You are absolutely right. There is nothing more that I want to do than spend whatever time I have left with you and the rest of the family. It may not be long, but it will be a great time."
His granddaughter reached up and hugged his neck, and suddenly, he felt he was right where he was supposed to be.
I met Clark a few days after he had time to think about his situation.
Clark told me, "I am learning to be patient with my life. I hope I have the time to trust it enough to place myself in the hands of eternity. And eternity starts right now!"
Clark taught me that things have a way of working themselves out and do not always need a lot of "management" by us. And not everything we ever wanted is worth the price of getting it. Sometimes we have to let life take the lead on the dance floor, move with the rhythm, and enjoy our dance partners.
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