His teacher handed Billy Joe his arithmetic test. He knew he did not do great on it, but he did not expect the big red F on the paper either. In his 4 years of school, he had never gotten an F. There was the occasional D, but that F was a new feeling. And he didn't like it. Neither would his mom!
At first, he thought he might just lose the paper on the way home, but he knew his mom was smarter than that. She would read it on his face as soon as she saw him. So, he buried it deep in his notebook and tried not to think about it for the rest of the day. That didn't work either.
After the final bell rang, Billy Joe began his long "perp walk" to his mom's car. He tried to smile but did not feel "smiley."
As soon as he opened the car door, he blurted out uncontrollably, "I feel stupid. Everybody else passed!"
His mom said, "I guess I don't need to ask you how your day went."
Billy Joe replied, "It was horrible. I don't know what happened. I got an F on my arithmetic test, an F! I knew I did not do well, but an F…. Am I stupid?"
Mom could see how upset he was and said, "This sounds like a good cookie question!" Billy Joe was not sure he wanted to talk about it, but he knew his mom would not let this go. Besides, a cookie, or two, sounded pretty good.
When they got home, Mom sat a couple of cookies on the kitchen table along with a glass of milk. They sat down, and Mom asked, "What was the test on? "Billy Joe replied, "Fractions." Mom continued, "Those are hard, especially at first! I had trouble with them too when I was your age."
Billy Joe looked at his mom, wondering whether to believe her.
Mom said, "But now you know you don't understand fractions and can focus on learning about them."
Billy Joe protested, "No, I'll never get them. It's too hard. And I don't understand them."
Mom thought for a moment and then started a story. Billy Joe nibbled on the cookie and focused as best he could on what his mom was saying. But that “failure feeling” made it hard to listen. At least until she started talking about the annual field day at her school.
Mom said, "I was the fastest runner in my 4th-grade class. Well, I was until Sophia moved to town. We got to be good friends during the year, but Sophia lined up next to me in the 50-yard dash on Field Day. I was no longer the fastest runner in my class when that race was over.
Sophia finished five steps ahead of me. I couldn't believe it. I tried my best, but she beat me. Sophia could see how upset I was when I tried to avoid her after the race. I didn't know she could run like lightning! I could never keep up with her. But Sophia was my friend, and she came over and hugged me, saying, 'That was a good race! I really had to run harder than I ever have before.' This made me feel a little better. Then, I thought of something. Even if Sophia got to the finish line before I did, I could count on her being there when I caught up with her. I just had to keep trying and be patient with myself and Sophia."
Billy Joe looked at his mom and said, "I liked that story, but I am talking about arithmetic, not a footrace!"
Mom replied I thought you were talking about not getting what you wanted and feeling like giving up!"
Billy Joe replied, "Yea, that too!"
Mom said, "Sophia helped me to know that if I fell short, I didn't need to quit. Instead, I needed to be patient with myself. She would not run off and leave me. She would wait until I caught up."
Mom then scooted closer, handed me another cookie, and said, "You made an F on your test. You learned that you need to work on your fractions. There is no need to panic or give up. You will pass the test by working a bit harder on fractions next time. By the way, this works on many things besides arithmetic tests."
Billy Joe asked, "What do you mean?"
Mom replied, "Well, just because you do not understand something does not mean you are stupid. Some things just won't make sense. You will bump into things you don't understand from time to time. When that happens, look at what you don't know and try to sort it out by asking questions, reading, or spending time listening to others who know more about it. But even then, you may not find the answers. Sometimes we must be patient with our own and others' lack of understanding of the mysteries around us. When that happens, tell yourself that you don't need to give up. The answers will wait for you to catch up. We are all still learning and growing and figuring things out."
Billy Joe was quiet for a few minutes and then looked his mom in the face, "Does that mean you have things you don't understand?"
She answered, "Absolutely, but I have many people around me to help me figure things out. And even when old Sophia beats me to the finish line, I still have cookies waiting for me. Cookies will help me to have hope that someday I might catch up and find the answers I want."
"Wow," Billy Joe replied, "I didn't know cookies could do that! Does this mean I need cookies whenever I don't understand something?"
Mom smiled and answered, "Let's save the cookies for the big, ugly questions."
"Okaaay, Mom. If you say so.”
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